So, you are standing outside and the door won't open, you have the right set of keys in your hand, you are so sure that these are the right ones. You turn the handle until you want to fucking break it apart. It starts to rain, a strong wind blows it in your direction, you get wet and you have nowhere to run. All of a sudden the rain stops and there is a blazing sun ray aiming straight into your eyes and everything dries except for you because you desperately need to pee. You close your eyes and a warm liquid runs down your legs. Then you turn the door handle again, the door still won't open. Then you decide to take further action and go to the back door, Jesus Christ it's locked.

You lean against the door and sit on the floor... you forget about piles and pneumonia as you lie down on your side on the cement. Why today, marrha heh? Today has been more than bad; the devil himself was shadowing you.
 
On your way to work on the taxi, the driver accused you of stealing from him because you had to sort the change in the front seat and one person didn't pay, so you were late for work then when you got there your boss said this should never happen again. You opened your inbox to find that you had 956 unread messages most of which were shitty newsletters and chain letters. Your friends don't sms and call, they all seem distant and don't respond to your emails and you feel like screaming the whole time with no one to talk to or scream at.
     
You can't stop thinking about your boyfriend, your friend, your mother, brother, aunt, granny, sister, niece, the rent... oh shit you haven't paid the rent.
 
You try not to panic and simply decide that whatever happens happens, it isn't your fault, these things happen. How many people out of eight forget to pay the rent, right? Now you know why you can't get in. After you have dried up, you walk down to your friends place and she opens her door and peeps out at you only revealing her face. This is unusual behaviour from her. Maybe she's with a man. She is breathing heavily. 'Hi!' she says as if she has been running a marathon. Hey, I need a place to crash, you want to say, 'Hi' you reply, 'what are you up to?' she smiles, 'ah... this and that!' she has been DOING IT! 'You busy? I'll come back later...' you turn around. 'See you tomorrow!' she bangs the door.
 
You decide to go to the park. Maybe the ducks will be nicer. You sit on the park bench along the lake bank and think maybe, just maybe you need to go somewhere safer than this, and it's getting dark.
 
Your phone rings... 'Hi ma!' You are happy to hear her voice, 'Kunjani?' You say everything is fine, she shouldn't worry. After you drop the phone, you get up and decide go to another friend. This time you catch a taxi but you don't reach your destination. Instead, you stop at your ex boyfriend's for coffee or something to that effect, he keeps nice coffee. You knock on the door and his current girlfriend opens. You smile and say hi, she lets you in. 'He's out,' she says. 'So?' you reply and go to the kitchen, fix yourself coffee and stare at the TV. He arrives and is happy to see you. I need a place to crash, you want to say. But you don't.
 
You all eat supper and he hands you a couple of blankets and you don't sleep because you listen to the sounds of their lovemaking. The girl howls and moans while you toss and turn trying to summon the sleep fairy. After about 1000 sheep jump the fence you fall asleep. You are woken by a sharp scream, a woman. You get up, look behind the couch; the girl is on the ground her mouth bleeding and your ex standing over her... 'Don't fuck with me bitch!' he kicks her in the ribs twice. You try to scream, nothing comes out. 'Stop it!' you shout. 'Stay out of this, okay?' and you say: 'No... You can't do this.' You try to talk sense into him - from the furthest distance possible. 'Leave her,' you say. 'This fucken bitch cheated on my ass...'
 
You sigh. He leaves.
 
She is unconscious; you must do something other than leave her to die. Maybe that's an idea, no, you could never be so cruel. You find your phone under the coffee table and dial 114. The lady asks you to hold. A call centre agent answers and asks to hold for the hospital, they tell you it'll be R450 to pick up the patient. You tell them you don't have the money, 'Sorry ma'm, we can't help you. Try a public hospital.' he drops the phone. 'Fuck! Let's go.' You say as you pick her up, she squirms in pain and you put her back down. She moans and cries for her mama. You call a public hospital with your last bit of airtime, the ambulance takes an hour to get there and you have been instructed not to let her sleep.
 
You arrive at the hospital; a wall clock informs you its 4:15am. You feel sleepy and fall asleep in the waiting room. A doctor wakes you up and informs you she is fine and she can leave tomorrow. They need to monitor her baby. 'Baby?' you are shocked, 'how far along is she?' the doctor looks at you with his educated face, 'months...' he walks away and his educated feet dance across the hall in swift movements to the next ward.   

You go and check on her, 'Hey, that was close,' you say. 'Thanks a lot.' Her mouth is dry, you give her water from a foam cup next to her. 'Thanks,' she swallows. 'I have to get to work, I will come check you out later, okay?' She nods and you walk out. Hospitals stink, you can't stand the smell, it has made you nauseas since childhood.
 
You get yourself straight to work, walk into your office and realize you're in yesterday's clothes - the weather was warmer then and you're freezing your ass off. Your boss says something about a hectic night? And you sigh. He gives a new brief and you listen as much as you can and go to your desk and get working. The day flies past... and it's the end. Where will you go? Oh yes, the hospital.

When you arrive your ex is there. He looks at you in embarrassment. 'Hi' you say. He nods and tries to mouth an explanation. 'No need to explain,' you say in an attempt to mind your own business. 'How're you feeling, Cassia?' Cassia? 'Fine thanks. The doctors say I will be outta here soon.' You smile and adjust her pillow, trying to show some care and then carry on about work and your eviction then you shut up. Visiting hours are up, you and Sam leave. Take a taxi back to his place.
 
He makes you coffee and still remembers how you like it. He has been silent since you left the hospital. He sits down next to you and sighs deeply, 'I didn't mean to...' he says, 'she slept with someone else and now she doesn't know who the father is...' You also sigh and say nothing. 'She says it could be Sifiso's'. You are shocked: Sifiso is his best friend. 'You'll have to take a paternity test, hey?' 'But what do I do in the meantime?' 'Whatever sits right with you...' you advise. You want to kiss him, you miss his touch, his kisses and... 'I have some skunk,' you say. 'Azishe ababhemi!' he says. You roll the joint.
 
After the third puff your tongue becomes numb, a pretty song is playing, your lips are dry, you lick them. Then your eyes feel heavy, your entire body is feeling an incredible relaxing sensation... you smile. Close your eyes, he holds your hand and you lean over and begin to kiss him... of course he kisses you back. As you are about to come, you ask yourself: what the fuck am I doing? And it's done. You notice something strange: he is crying. You ignore him, turn over and sleep.
 
His snoring wakes you up, its 3 am... you get up and go to the kitchen and fix yourself a sandwich, switch on the TV and stare at starving Africans on late night Aljazeera, then you fall asleep on the couch and you are woken up by Cassia's arrival. She seems unhappy to be at home. 'Hey Cassia...' she breaks out into tears, sobbing her eyes out, 'He says I must leave...' serves her right. 'I am sorry, dude,' you say and she walks out of the door. You go and take a shower, get ready for work and Sam is still asleep, you don't wake him.

Suddenly, you remember you have a boyfriend. You start to feel bad about the best sex you have had in ages. Oh my, the joy of being a human being with a conscience! And this was sex with a woman beater? Well, he never beat you... he beat Cassia; you reckon it might have been her fault anyway. You dream of your romantic reunion with Sam and know it'll happen for sure. Your phone rings at lunch time, it's him. 'I am gonna be late tonight. Don't wait up!' you are flattered to say the least, he is telling you not to wait up.
 
When you get to Sam's place you seem to have forgotten that this is not your home. You make coffee and switch on the TV, its Obama this time. An educated man that speaks like Martin Luther King looks like a porn star and smiles like your high school crush. His wife and kid walk beside him, you envy those kids. They got it good... if the president was your dad you would engage in all night drug and alcohol binges, skip school, die young and have a funeral like Princess Diana or something... huh?
 
You have noodles for supper and get a blankie for the late night movie, Basic Instinct. Sharon Stone and Michael Douglas put you to sleep and you are woken up by drunken laughter. It's Sam's laughter and another woman. They stagger into his bedroom and there is silence, falling, giggling, whispering and then the fucking begins. She moans and groans while you try to fall asleep. You toss and turn, then you begin to sob and fall asleep after you've sobbed the pillow dry.
 
In the morning Sam stands over you with orange juice in his hand – he still has his boxers on. 'Wake up, sweetie pie!' you cover your head, he grabs them off and throws them away. 'Look at the time!' You're late for work by thirty minutes already. You can feel your body falling apart.
 
You pack your few belongings and tell Sam you are not coming back, he asks why and you tell him that you don't wanna crowd him. You walk out and there you are again, all alone. You walk down the street. By the time you get on the taxi you are sobbing. Your throat hurts. The people on the taxi don't seem to care why you are crying. Instead they talk amongst themselves and keep throwing glances at you.
 
When you get to work its half past ten and your boss meets you as walk out of the elevator and says something about seeing you right now. They, the boss and two others, tell you, 'This is inappropriate behaviour'; 'Why have you been wearing the same clothes for days?'; 'No work submitted.' 'Sorry but your services are no longer required...' 'What?' you finally ask, 'you can't just...'; 'Well, we already did... it's a unanimous decision...'
 
They hand you an envelope with your name written in cursive on the front. It has money inside. You count it before you walk out and tell them, 'Bye'.